就在上個週末我遇到了在當父母以來前所未有的錯愕時刻。
當他吐口水的那刻我在大怒的同時腦裡閃過好多好多問號：
閱讀了很多很多文章後發現，原來說謊是與生俱來的一種求生意志。
關於吐口水，我也是爬了很多文章，
我們家三歲兒童知道媽媽說吐口水（在自己的杯子裡，
世界上最難的工作就是如何當一個好的父母。 我的孩子才三歲就讓我有不知所措的時刻了，
This past weekend my whole understanding on parenthood has been turned upside down by two negative acts that my 3 year old performed. The boy that I thought was the most angelic person alive lied to me one day, and spat in my face the next. YES you saw that correctly, he SPAT in my face! Well obviously he’s not tall enough to actually spat in my face, but you get the picture. Most people will gasp in disbelief that my three year old boy actually did such a demeaning and demoralizing act to me. I was horrified when he did it too, and I gave him a very looooong time out for that act.
The moment he spat at me I questioned myself as a parent. How did I raise a boy that is capable of doing such a demeaning act? Where did he learn it from and how should I discipline him enough to ensure this doesn’t ever EVER happen EVER again?!
To make matters even worse, he also lied to me that same weekend. It was a simple question, but instead of the truth, he decided to lie about it. For the whole weekend I searched the web for parenting advice, trying desperately to know that I am not alone on this.
You can always count on Google to make things better (or worse when you are searching for children’s cold or flu symptoms). Apparently lying in toddlers is actually a big cognitive milestone. That’s right! It is actually a good thing believe it or not! From the website Parents.com Dr. Kang Lee a psychology professor from University of Toronto said:
that younger children who bend the truth have a cognitive advantage over the ones who don't. "Lying requires two ingredients," he explained. "Children need to understand what's in someone else's mind—to know what they know and what they don't know. We call this ability theory of mind. The children who are better at theory of mind are also better at lying."
The second requirement is executive function, otherwise known as the power to plan ahead and curb unwanted actions. "The 30 percent of the under-3s who can lie have higher executive function abilities," Dr. Lee said, "specifically the ability to inhibit the urge to tell the truth and to switch to lying." Such cognitive sophistication, he added, means that these early liars will be more successful in school and in their dealings with other kids on the playground.
Obviously this made me feel better knowing that one simple lie at the age of 3 does not mean he will for sure become a bad person when he grow up.
With the spitting, even though I was devastated at the behavior, with more researching and talking with other parents, I come to remember the fact that my boy is only 3 years old. At this age, they are constantly learning to push and test their limits. As adults, we have been confined by the invisible social boundaries that’s been set by our parents and society, it’s easy to forget that our seemingly grown up little men actually can’t fully grasp what is right or wrong. He knows spitting in a cup is dirty and mommy said not to do it, but he doesn’t understand that spitting at someone is a very disrespectful act in the society. To him, it was just a way to let out the sudden rage that arises when I took away his favorite toy.
It is up to adults to help them understand what is acceptable behavior and how to deal with the sudden anger that arises in their tiny little bodies when something doesn’t go their way. Toddlers cannot control their emotions well, so as parents we have to repeatedly show them what is right or wrong and how to deal with different emotions.
The toughest job on earth is without a doubt being a responsible parent, and yes I have only experienced the tiny tip of the iceberg right now...
